Greetings, loved ones!
The past few months of the COVID-19 pandemic have left me feeling raw. I already felt fragile as a result of a turbulent global climate, and these feelings have only compounded of late. I find myself crying more frequently and easily than I have in months. Classes feel less relevant than ever. I wonder why I’m enrolled in school right now, and question every choice I make. I struggle to complete tasks on time, or to feel satisfied with my work. I feel vulnerable, fragile, and small. My emotions are overwhelming, and I long both to connect with others, and for solitude. I have bursts of productivity amidst depressive episodes. All of this is normal for a person with major depressive disorder and general anxiety, but when every emotion is exacerbated by financial stress, COVID stress, election stress, climate stress, and a multitude of other stimuli, it can be easy to feel paralyzed. I know many humans feel similar things during this unprecedented season of the unknown. We can find power and healing in naming these emotions. I encourage you to name what you are feeling. Honor those feelings. I promise that your vulnerability is an asset, despite the overwhelming, scary emotions that often accompany the practice of vulnerability.
Healthy vulnerability is a prerequisite to emotional intimacy. Our experiences are enriched when we bring our honest selves to all facets of our lives. Sometimes being our truest selves feels dangerous: what if we reveal who we truly are, and aren’t accepted by those around us? When we make the choice to trust another person or group of people with our most authentic selves,we are sometimes confronted by a deep fear of rejection. We need community to survive; our survival instincts are activated when we face the possibility of having to “go it alone” in life. Because of this, vulnerability can feel like an indicator that harm is about to be done to us. When I feel most vulnerable, trauma feels like it’s right around the corner. I try to remind myself that this is a normal association, because stressful or harmful environments can make us feel small and out of control-- the epitome of vulnerability. Naming what I am feeling is the first step towards healthy vulnerability.
Practicing healthy vulnerability is lifelong work. I find starting small is helpful to this practice. Here are two ways I practice healthy vulnerability in my life, both to do with sharing:
Listen to others when they share vulnerably. Really, really listen. This can be difficult, because what if I disagree with them?, or what if I really need to go practice?, or what if I don’t know how to help them? Lending your time and ears to a friend’s or acquaintance’s experience opens you up to the possibility that you will not be equipped to respond to this person in the way they need. To me, that’s not fun! I want to be everything, to everyone, all of the time! As I’m sure you’ve learned, no one person can be everything for everyone. Challenge your expectations of what a supportive friend is supposed to be. When someone shares vulnerably, offer them your truest self. You will grant them permission to continue being their truest self. I promise your understanding of one another will deepen.
Share your experience. I feel scared when I put myself out there in social settings, because I’m worried about others perceiving me as an over-sharer. While respecting others’ time and energy is important, I’ve learned that many folks are interested in (or at least open to) hearing a bit about me or my experience. Learning to talk about yourself truthfully and with your own balance of confidence and self-awareness can allow others to see and know you. (Notice I don’t say “pride” and “humility”, but rather “confidence” and “awareness”. I think these are helpful terms, which frame concepts of pride/humility in self-supportive ways. You might find the opposite is true for you. Find a framework that supports your personal growth.)
I hope you find comfort and peace during this season of multifaceted unrest. I’m here if you need to talk about anything. Consider this me practicing healthy vulnerability: I invite you to reach out to me if you’d like to chat with a friend, whether we’ve known each other for years, or only connected recently. We can talk about dogs, food, deep interpersonal concepts, music, tv shows… whatever you like. I’d love to hear from you.
Thanks for reading! I wish you love and light this week.
-A